Playing Small…

I remember as a little girl at church, looking up to the podium and seeing my pastor walking on stage. While we are taught to not idolize, like those in The Bible, lost in the desert building golden calves. I idolized my pastor. I felt like they intrinsically had a gift, an ability to see into the future and would be able to guide us there safely in God’s hands. I unknowingly had already abdicated my own will over to another, in belief that they knew best. I followed this thought process throughout my adolescent and adulthood over and over. Unwittingly believing that safety would be found in the hands of others and that to be saved I needed to find another’s help.

See it is very easy in this world to fall into the trap of victimhood or needing to be saved. I found myself there a lot. I didn’t understand how I knew I was made from God, but yet felt so small, powerless, and insignificant. I looked for saviors in all sorts of ways: through men, jobs, friendships, my appearance, or repression. A savior doesn’t have to come in the form of a person, but something that helps you feel more powerful and secure in the world. Anything that could save me from myself, I wanted.

It’s been a road full of discoveries and pitfalls that has created for me the realization that the only person who can save you, is you. All the other situations were merely mirrors back onto myself, asking a question. How long will you look for God in all others but yourself?

The moment you stop making yourself small, the Universe responds with applause. ‘Good for you my dear, you are made from the very essence of all there is and have never needed another’s permission to live in your fullness’. I’d imagine our teams of Guides, Angels, and Higherself responding. I’ve taken back my safety, my place, essence, and fullness and placed it right back into my heart, where it has always belonged. God didn’t create life for us to play small and meek. We are to actualize ourselves as the complete potential of all that we are, which is a spark of the heavens from God’s light. Most of us, since birth have been curated to play a role and that its unsafe when you step outside of those lines.

I say dance along that line knowing that whichever way you fall you will always be held in the arms of Love. Playing small and afraid, is a beautiful way to learn lessons of strength, resilience, and authenticity. When you feel like you are done with those lessons though and tired of being afraid of the what-if’s. Play along the lines or better yet just jump all the way threw it, bust down the walls and wash away the hardened lines.

You never know what miracles and magic awaits you when you step into your fullness.

With Love

Laila